Are you afraid of trying new things? Do you stick to boring and safe endeavors because you don’t want to risk failing? Do you let opportunities pass you by? If so, you probably have an over-developed inner critic.
The inner critic is the little voice inside of us that constantly evaluates our performance and gives us feedback. Sometimes the information it provides is helpful. All too often, though, the inner critic is as mean as Simon Cowell in a snotty mood. “Why bother to try? You know you can’t do it.” “You’re stupid.” “You’ll never succeed.”
When criticism turns into soul assassination, as in the examples above, it’s time to put a gag on it.
In order to contain your inner critic, you must first become aware of its influence. Keep a journal for a week or two. Record any significant events that happened and what your thoughts were as you dealt with them. For instance, “Boss asked me to take on a new project—massive anxiety—I can’t do this!” “Sent in the mortgage check a day late—I’m so stupid about money.” Pay attention to any negative refrains that keep coming up. What are your inner critic’s favorite words of attack?
Next, formulate a response to your inner critic. If your inner critic frequently calls you stupid, for instance, your response might be, “I am intelligent and capable of handling challenges as they arise.” If your inner critic calls you a failure, you might respond, “I am skilled and successful.”
Now comes the difficult part. As you go through your days, listen closely for the voice of your inner critic. As soon as it starts its vicious attack, cut if off. This is called thought stopping. Make a conscious effort to say or think the word, “Stop!” Then replace the criticism with the positive response you have formulated.
Most people have trouble with this step. The positive thoughts may feel artificial or difficult to believe. This is because listening to your inner critic has become a habit. By challenging the old, familiar thoughts, you’re stepping out of your comfort zone. Be proud of yourself. It takes courage to make such an effort.
Experts agree it takes about 21 days to form a new habit. That’s less than a month, though while you’re struggling to make the change, it may feel like a lifetime. Slowly, though, you will notice a difference. More and more often, your first response to a situation will be positive rather than negative. Eventually, your inner critic’s voice will fall silent, replaced by more nurturing and encouraging messages.
